The sad existence of always being out of the mind to be able to surrender. This place is the most fearful and captivating place I know. There are so many and so much who crash into me with such force that my arms clasp under the pressure of their motivated intent. They come on every plain and form to close my arms and replace my surrender with broken glass and the bitter taste of my own blood on my tongue We all seem to forget God.....to forget His Christ.......I am so tired of opening my arms wide open, only allowing the existence of everything that hates him to leave me bitter and alone. They can take all but in the end I hope that they cannot take this desire to open my arms in surrender. I love Christ...bad, bitter, broken. I love Christ....spiteful, hateful, with revenge.....I love Christ....i hate you, i hate you, i hate.......I love Christ....despised love, worse than before, uncompassionate.......I love Christ-
Please Lord help me to believe and surrender my life over and over again to you. Though people make fun of me and I am not cool enough to be able to stand within their useless conversation. I pray that you will always help me to go the place of unyeilded meekness and humble hands.
