The Ramblings of Eve

So, the existence of my life is for the glory of Christ Jesus. Walking in this body and living in these times are suppressive and mundane. The joys of life are captured with small frames and the heartaches, well pretty consistently the heart aches. This ache tells me I am alive. this ache is the reality of my frailty. this frailty leaves me helpless. My existence is of worth only to You but my touch leaves impressions on the faces of my children. Going through childhood, brokenness, heartbreak and finally submission to the gospel is my story on this earth. Though you have showed me how imperfect the life is, and just how alone we really are, how our hearts separate us from all humanity and nature alike. I still love the face of Christ. I still exist with a knowledge that my life is meaningless without You. Even though my Samson doubts You, I know that you are my meaning. I cannot find my meaning in the locks of his hair. The followers are mocked on every level. I have mocked Your work within all. I have made downfall within my own gates. This persistence of silence and submission is a horrifying experience. When will the silence be meaningful. When will the submission of contradiction become a testimony of truth. Like many ironic things, I believe that I would do better if I lived alone, if I existed alone with my vision of You and Your words. I would tell Adam and the snake to LEAVE US ALONE! Go Away! Why is the heart so heavy Lord. Why is the heart so full of many many things. My attachments keep me burdened in this chair. My hope is that in the fullness of my time that my hands would bear the deep scares of keeping my hands to Your plow. That when I bleed and my heart breaks with confusion, I will confess damning on all that keeps me from the plow. Oh Christ that I should find mercy here on this small planet. Jesus, that I can exclaim your name without hint of shame.