Prayer, Fasting and the Stain from Hell

OK, quick note
i have this stain from hell in my car. every time we get in the car our eyes water with remorse that we brought the dreaded sippy cups in the car. The black heart of the stain tears at our conscious state and turns our stomachs in disgust. We wept and repent, I bend low and try over and over to wash clean the stain that has gripped us. well, this morning as i got the all powerful bleach out, knowing that it will leave my carpet speckled with discoloration, i chanted a well know phrase, "This will come out only through prayer and fasting" "prayer and fasting" "prayer and fasting, and this stain of demise will leave us for good" I just thought it could relate to certain things in our hearts and how when we try so hard to undo the mistakes we have made, to no avail---maybe there is a place for prayer and fasting or maybe i just thought that it was cool that i was thinking about prayer and fasting out my stain from hell. I hate thee oh stain, you will die die die.
like i said
just a quick note

Solid Ground

A testament to life

A creative lull

Be my solid ground

Thanksgivings

1Co 2:6 But, we speak wisdom among those who are perfect; yet not the wisdom of this world, nor of the rulers of this world, that come to nothing.
1Co 2:7 But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, which God has hidden, predetermining it before the world for our glory;
1Co 2:8 which none of the rulers of this world knew (for if they had known, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory).
1Co 2:9 But as it is written, "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard," nor has it entered into the heart of man, "the things which God has prepared for those who love Him."
1Co 2:10 But God has revealed them to us by His Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, yea, the deep things of God.
1Co 2:11 For who among men knows the things of a man except the spirit of man within him? So also no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God.
1Co 2:12 But we have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit from God, so that we might know the things that are freely given to us by God.
1Co 2:13 These things we also speak, not in words which man's wisdom teaches, but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
1Co 2:14 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
1Co 2:15 But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is judged by no one.
1Co 2:16 For who has known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ.

Undocumented immigrant

So, i have been thinking about thanksgiving and going over it with The Caedmon. We studied Squanto, "Pilgrims" and the "strangers". We studied the Indians and the fury of the first winter. Not much thanking that first year. As i was reading the real history to my four year old and saying to myself, "man, yeah, the Indians and white faced got along" but knowing that there was a reason for the vomit burp in the pit of my stomach. I looked at my four year old as we played Indians and Pilgrims the way it was the second or third year of the Pilgrims entrance, knowing that as time goes on we will turn the pages of history to see the demise of thanksgiving when the gleam of the hacksaw is no longer cutting corn, but the head of the united "Pilgrims" and the show off games that the Pilgrims enjoyed with Indians, will turn into how big the bullet hole is in the flesh of the Indian. I trembled trying to explain human nature. Trying to peel the pieces of rage and war in such a way that won't keep him up at night. When opening scripture i have the same sense of panic. Knowing that so much death and betrayal await the innocence of reasoning that Caedmon stands for. Trying to explain the many many pleas that God made before he unleashed the justice upon rebellion. Seeking to tie the string between the intent of heart that God and Man hold. How they are writing the same blood on every turned page of history. Realizing as i teach the history of man to my little man and the truth of God and all His languages towards man, that God is awesome. I know that is not the feelings people get but sometimes i feel so limited to explain why i coward down in the shadow of the truth that man is the same just as God is. Man will always betray their neighbors and spit in the eye of a friend. God will always plea and ask for the direct attention. He will always give no excuse for His reactions. They both will continue until the end, whatever that may be. My thanksgiving desire is to somehow be able to spin a beautiful web of knowledge that Caedmon can dine from. Eat and devour until he eats his fill and begins to make magic of his own. I want him to take my limits and inconsistencies and turn them into a finely tuned piano of music that plays the exact key and resembles the image of Gods intentions towards mankind. I love him so much and hold everything in my heart that he could be for Jesus. I pray today in 2007, that he has the seed of beauty and that i can help it to grow. Happy Thanksgiving Son.
I once said, "I dream of doing great and wonderful things for God, in the mission field, or maybe in some far off place." A friend turned and looked into my eyes and said, "Jess, maybe you are going to be mother of a child that God has designed a special purpose for. Maybe you were created to be their mom?"

peace

“But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.” ~ Hebrews 11:16

John Calvin
We are hence to conclude, that there is no place for us among God’s children, except we renounce the world, and that there will be for us no inheritance in heaven, except we become pilgrims on earth. Moreover, the Apostle justly concludes from these words, - “I am the God of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob,” that they were heirs of heaven, since he who thus speaks is not the God of the dead, but of the living.

"God sometimes you just don't come through"

I just wanted to mention the struggle of trying to defend the God that is seen as useless unless there is someone to blame. Rising up to unleash a poem or a song is only an unworthy attempt of defense. My minds sees God as helpless and misunderstood. My mind feels sorrow for all the blame that is still thrust upon Him and His ways. I know that the only way I can accurately defend the God is to live as if I have one and stop my voice in the mass of voices of blame. This was inspired by Tori Amos's song entitled "God."

“God sometimes you don’t come through”
Linger the words that are following You
Teetering to and back and around again
Maybe You should say, “To Hell with Them”

Pious beings of speculation and direct avenues
“God sometimes you just don’t come through”
What is in Your head as you are passing through?
Seeking just one that may not blame You

Literary devices and gaping holes of mythology
Times past of given words and foretold doctrine
Glimpse the heart that carries You
“God sometimes you just don’t come through”

Boast! Boast and boast some more!
Doesn’t matter we will only blame You for the silence in the aftermath of the burn.
“Not the lest of these little ones need to suffer”
Does it matter anymore?

“God sometimes you just don’t come through”
Are all the voices telling You?
Their screams are strong and feminine
Do you see past the blame and blame them too?

Sweeping through by Words, Spirit, and famine
“God sometimes we are killing You”
Hoping to believe in what delights You
Wanting more than to be sorry for blame.

Your child seeks to defend
Her God that is bleeding through
The wool she holds to hide You
“God sometimes I just don’t come through”
So in the moment she feels the hush of Your presence
The drawn look on The face of the Faceless
Though “Fragile Things” often time fall through
She believes in the cause that manifests You
To deliver a love that is more persistent
than a “cause” to delivery a banner, titled
“God sometimes you just don’t come through”

A False Proverb

Ezekiel 18
"What do you mean when you use this proverb concerning the land of Isreal"
4-6
"Behold, all souls are Mine;
The sould of the father
As well as the sould of the son is Mine;
The soul who sins shall die.
But if a man is just
And does what is lawful and right;
9
If he has walked in My statutes
And kept My judgements
faithfully
He is just
He shall surely LIVE!
Says the Lord God


My word;
Back up, God is not swaying in and out of man's supposed knowledge of right and wrong. Don't limit view of such great things.
My sins are my own
Yours are settle right in front of your house.
My fathers are on his fingertips
whatever,
peace

RESTLESS

VISIONS OF RESTLESS THOUGHTS and ACTIONS CAPTURED BY PICTURES

Let No One Cheat You

Colossians 2:

18 Let no one cheat you of your reward, taking delight in false humility and worship of angels, intruding into those things which he has not[a] seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind,

3:1 If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. 2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.5 Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, 7 in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. 8 But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, 10 and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him,

How hard is it to understand. I am not of this earth. That is why i cannot last in self perfection. That is why my heart hangs low when I realize I cannot grasp the unity of the cross with the relationship of my life. The lose within my heart is deep and still. The death of the union bares pain of waste, that words cannot heal. The language of my heart is simply unable to be understood. I cannot convey how much I feel, how much I am losing, not being together with him. Day after day the sadness fills the void that is there. I cannot remove it, it is mine to bare. I scream and kick at the wind of experience. "Not Mine!"

I understand that I am on a time limit, I understand that there is a cheat in the midst of the race.

I turn daily and look at joy and christian faith in the face. I explode with desire to be right in the face of struggle. There is no pain like the pain of rejection. The rejection of a lost love and a missed page in the turning of time.

I love Jesus. So loud that I can't breathe. I love Him and i miss Him so much. I miss His soft hand and His whisper in my ear. My life is set, there is no turning from this trial. The more I live on this earth, with all it has, the luxuries of electric and technology, the more I want to cut myself in order to release the blood that it feeds upon within me. The life of falsehood that pumps within my veins. I open the flesh and watch it bleed....bleed......until it or I die.

I am not myself, I am a slave to a Master that I love. Everything He has I want. Everything He tells me I believe, like a sheep I follow. With yoke and blood I desire more of His burden on my neck. Drive it deep and make the metal perice my flesh, release the water from my empty heart and touch the metal to form Your blood. Make me into a image that is scoffed and ignored. May the cheat hold his belly in laughter as I appear weak and consumed with untruth. Let him throw stones or rejection and betrayal as I walk across his path day and night. Let the cheat make me feel lost, broken and uncool. Let his power throw me to the ground. Let his strength self destruct the self within me. When the smoke clears in the quiet moment of clarity, I will desire the Master. For I was bought by His plan. I am woven and spun in such a way that appears loose and tattered but gold and beauty are within the seams. This Chain that is part of my flesh is the best burden of all the burdens that exist within this world.

blah blah blah sippy cup

For a time, time seems to pass
for a dream that i hate to believe
for a space that is unseen
there is wisdom that is yet believed

For a surrender of will to design
for a scape of intellectual complies
i hope for a sign
more than a slap on the back of our hand

I hope for a stand
a stand that will not cause a fall
into obscure internal consummation
of flesh, thought, and internet pages.

I hope for a passion
for passion to be past down
for a wind in the breathe of existence
and a fire in the eyes of the children

So hard, work all the brain cells
so limited but still we think
limitations are only for the weak
returns, for the hunkered down

So today as words makes "sense"
and tomorrow when words resist
i hope in a page, that will make me clean
a knowledge that is unseen
yet...................................
beating....beating.....beating....
inside of me.

Let Go My Ego!

e·go /ˈigoʊ, ˈɛgoʊ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ee-goh, eg-oh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural e·gos.
1.
the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

And sometimes it just gets so darn out of hand!

Just thinking about the ego and how it drives us to think certain ways about ourselves.

It's A WONDERFUL LIFE!

So, here some random pictures of life---as wonderful as it may be.

"And the seasons, they go round and round,

And the painted ponies go up and down,

We're captive on the carousel of time.

We can't return, we can only lookBehind from where we came,

And go round and round and round in the circle game.

- - - Tom Rush, "The Circle Game"