Rendered Useless

Galatians 5:1
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Mark my words! I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised, Christ will be of no value to you at all (rendered useless). Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised that he is obligated to obey the whole law. You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace.
http://jonmarqtoombs.com/images/GRACE_RESTORES_GAL_5.WMA

Believe (feat. jennifer knapp) Grits---everybody needs

Song number 7--Go to imeem and listen to the rap yo

everybody needs something to see
something to feel
and something to be
everybody needs something as proof
something in hand
to know the truth
livin lavish like the biltmore
what the blood spilt for
a ship in harbor safe
but that aint what its built for
do all i can to help you get more
if you forgive my slight intrusion
i see this night is confusin
a constant fight with illusions
shed a light on conclusions
what you desire is a way out
day in and day out
do not disturb signs so ill stay out
how long will you let the torture grasp you
i see spirits manifestin
blockin blessings with the questions
that you hear me ask you
keep it up so muchwill pass you
you can make it on a prayer
yeah thats true
but barely getting by when you can do more
why would you want to
forgettin that the woods dry and the fires on you
lifes a hastle
be prepared to rastle
it can be rough
but it dont have to
you can make it full of smiles
something to laugh to
so pick and chose my message thick
so squeeze and watch it ooze
make it a game to where your fears lose
lets go
theres a way that seems right
in the heart of a man
and many angels of light
in disguise destroying man
so most chose to refuse
the absolut truth
replace it with lies
use ignorance as an excuse
its hard to conceive
what the mind cant comprehend
and harder to believe
what the eyes cant understand
we look to theory philosophy and thought
for a sure foundation
in a belief we once sought
while the shadow of truth
cast an image so clear
the closer it gets
we reject it out of fear
if we really wanted truth
we would give our lives for

Is Christ real to me?

John Wesley’s Small Group Questions (popularized version):

1. Am I consciously or unconsciously creating the impression that I am better than I am? In other words, am I a hypocrite?
2. Am I honest in all my acts and words, or do I exaggerate?
3. Do I confidentially pass onto another what was told me in confidence?
4. Am I a slave to dress, friends, work, or habits?
5. Am I self-conscious, self-pitying, or self-justifying?
6. Did the Bible live in me today?
7. Do I give it time to speak to me everyday?
8. Am I enjoying prayer?
9. When did I last speak to someone about my faith?
10. Do I pray about the money I spend?
11. Do I get to bed on time and get up on time?
12. Do I disobey God in anything?
13. Do I insist upon doing something about which my conscience is uneasy?
14. Am I defeated in any part of my life?
15. Am I jealous, impure, critical, irritable, touchy or distrustful?
16. How do I spend my spare time?
17. Am I proud?
18. Do I thank God that I am not as other people, especially as the Pharisee who despised the publican?
19. Is there anyone whom I fear, dislike, disown, criticize, hold resentment toward or disregard? If so, what am I going to do about it?
20. Do I grumble and complain constantly?
21. Is Christ real to me?

Prayer, Fasting and the Stain from Hell

OK, quick note
i have this stain from hell in my car. every time we get in the car our eyes water with remorse that we brought the dreaded sippy cups in the car. The black heart of the stain tears at our conscious state and turns our stomachs in disgust. We wept and repent, I bend low and try over and over to wash clean the stain that has gripped us. well, this morning as i got the all powerful bleach out, knowing that it will leave my carpet speckled with discoloration, i chanted a well know phrase, "This will come out only through prayer and fasting" "prayer and fasting" "prayer and fasting, and this stain of demise will leave us for good" I just thought it could relate to certain things in our hearts and how when we try so hard to undo the mistakes we have made, to no avail---maybe there is a place for prayer and fasting or maybe i just thought that it was cool that i was thinking about prayer and fasting out my stain from hell. I hate thee oh stain, you will die die die.
like i said
just a quick note

Solid Ground

A testament to life

A creative lull

Be my solid ground

Thanksgivings

1Co 2:6 But, we speak wisdom among those who are perfect; yet not the wisdom of this world, nor of the rulers of this world, that come to nothing.
1Co 2:7 But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, which God has hidden, predetermining it before the world for our glory;
1Co 2:8 which none of the rulers of this world knew (for if they had known, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory).
1Co 2:9 But as it is written, "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard," nor has it entered into the heart of man, "the things which God has prepared for those who love Him."
1Co 2:10 But God has revealed them to us by His Spirit; for the Spirit searches all things, yea, the deep things of God.
1Co 2:11 For who among men knows the things of a man except the spirit of man within him? So also no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God.
1Co 2:12 But we have not received the spirit of the world, but the Spirit from God, so that we might know the things that are freely given to us by God.
1Co 2:13 These things we also speak, not in words which man's wisdom teaches, but which the Holy Spirit teaches, comparing spiritual things with spiritual.
1Co 2:14 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
1Co 2:15 But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is judged by no one.
1Co 2:16 For who has known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ.

Undocumented immigrant

So, i have been thinking about thanksgiving and going over it with The Caedmon. We studied Squanto, "Pilgrims" and the "strangers". We studied the Indians and the fury of the first winter. Not much thanking that first year. As i was reading the real history to my four year old and saying to myself, "man, yeah, the Indians and white faced got along" but knowing that there was a reason for the vomit burp in the pit of my stomach. I looked at my four year old as we played Indians and Pilgrims the way it was the second or third year of the Pilgrims entrance, knowing that as time goes on we will turn the pages of history to see the demise of thanksgiving when the gleam of the hacksaw is no longer cutting corn, but the head of the united "Pilgrims" and the show off games that the Pilgrims enjoyed with Indians, will turn into how big the bullet hole is in the flesh of the Indian. I trembled trying to explain human nature. Trying to peel the pieces of rage and war in such a way that won't keep him up at night. When opening scripture i have the same sense of panic. Knowing that so much death and betrayal await the innocence of reasoning that Caedmon stands for. Trying to explain the many many pleas that God made before he unleashed the justice upon rebellion. Seeking to tie the string between the intent of heart that God and Man hold. How they are writing the same blood on every turned page of history. Realizing as i teach the history of man to my little man and the truth of God and all His languages towards man, that God is awesome. I know that is not the feelings people get but sometimes i feel so limited to explain why i coward down in the shadow of the truth that man is the same just as God is. Man will always betray their neighbors and spit in the eye of a friend. God will always plea and ask for the direct attention. He will always give no excuse for His reactions. They both will continue until the end, whatever that may be. My thanksgiving desire is to somehow be able to spin a beautiful web of knowledge that Caedmon can dine from. Eat and devour until he eats his fill and begins to make magic of his own. I want him to take my limits and inconsistencies and turn them into a finely tuned piano of music that plays the exact key and resembles the image of Gods intentions towards mankind. I love him so much and hold everything in my heart that he could be for Jesus. I pray today in 2007, that he has the seed of beauty and that i can help it to grow. Happy Thanksgiving Son.
I once said, "I dream of doing great and wonderful things for God, in the mission field, or maybe in some far off place." A friend turned and looked into my eyes and said, "Jess, maybe you are going to be mother of a child that God has designed a special purpose for. Maybe you were created to be their mom?"

peace

“But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.” ~ Hebrews 11:16

John Calvin
We are hence to conclude, that there is no place for us among God’s children, except we renounce the world, and that there will be for us no inheritance in heaven, except we become pilgrims on earth. Moreover, the Apostle justly concludes from these words, - “I am the God of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob,” that they were heirs of heaven, since he who thus speaks is not the God of the dead, but of the living.

"God sometimes you just don't come through"

I just wanted to mention the struggle of trying to defend the God that is seen as useless unless there is someone to blame. Rising up to unleash a poem or a song is only an unworthy attempt of defense. My minds sees God as helpless and misunderstood. My mind feels sorrow for all the blame that is still thrust upon Him and His ways. I know that the only way I can accurately defend the God is to live as if I have one and stop my voice in the mass of voices of blame. This was inspired by Tori Amos's song entitled "God."

“God sometimes you don’t come through”
Linger the words that are following You
Teetering to and back and around again
Maybe You should say, “To Hell with Them”

Pious beings of speculation and direct avenues
“God sometimes you just don’t come through”
What is in Your head as you are passing through?
Seeking just one that may not blame You

Literary devices and gaping holes of mythology
Times past of given words and foretold doctrine
Glimpse the heart that carries You
“God sometimes you just don’t come through”

Boast! Boast and boast some more!
Doesn’t matter we will only blame You for the silence in the aftermath of the burn.
“Not the lest of these little ones need to suffer”
Does it matter anymore?

“God sometimes you just don’t come through”
Are all the voices telling You?
Their screams are strong and feminine
Do you see past the blame and blame them too?

Sweeping through by Words, Spirit, and famine
“God sometimes we are killing You”
Hoping to believe in what delights You
Wanting more than to be sorry for blame.

Your child seeks to defend
Her God that is bleeding through
The wool she holds to hide You
“God sometimes I just don’t come through”
So in the moment she feels the hush of Your presence
The drawn look on The face of the Faceless
Though “Fragile Things” often time fall through
She believes in the cause that manifests You
To deliver a love that is more persistent
than a “cause” to delivery a banner, titled
“God sometimes you just don’t come through”

A False Proverb

Ezekiel 18
"What do you mean when you use this proverb concerning the land of Isreal"
4-6
"Behold, all souls are Mine;
The sould of the father
As well as the sould of the son is Mine;
The soul who sins shall die.
But if a man is just
And does what is lawful and right;
9
If he has walked in My statutes
And kept My judgements
faithfully
He is just
He shall surely LIVE!
Says the Lord God


My word;
Back up, God is not swaying in and out of man's supposed knowledge of right and wrong. Don't limit view of such great things.
My sins are my own
Yours are settle right in front of your house.
My fathers are on his fingertips
whatever,
peace

RESTLESS

VISIONS OF RESTLESS THOUGHTS and ACTIONS CAPTURED BY PICTURES

Let No One Cheat You

Colossians 2:

18 Let no one cheat you of your reward, taking delight in false humility and worship of angels, intruding into those things which he has not[a] seen, vainly puffed up by his fleshly mind,

3:1 If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. 2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.5 Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, 7 in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. 8 But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. 9 Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, 10 and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him,

How hard is it to understand. I am not of this earth. That is why i cannot last in self perfection. That is why my heart hangs low when I realize I cannot grasp the unity of the cross with the relationship of my life. The lose within my heart is deep and still. The death of the union bares pain of waste, that words cannot heal. The language of my heart is simply unable to be understood. I cannot convey how much I feel, how much I am losing, not being together with him. Day after day the sadness fills the void that is there. I cannot remove it, it is mine to bare. I scream and kick at the wind of experience. "Not Mine!"

I understand that I am on a time limit, I understand that there is a cheat in the midst of the race.

I turn daily and look at joy and christian faith in the face. I explode with desire to be right in the face of struggle. There is no pain like the pain of rejection. The rejection of a lost love and a missed page in the turning of time.

I love Jesus. So loud that I can't breathe. I love Him and i miss Him so much. I miss His soft hand and His whisper in my ear. My life is set, there is no turning from this trial. The more I live on this earth, with all it has, the luxuries of electric and technology, the more I want to cut myself in order to release the blood that it feeds upon within me. The life of falsehood that pumps within my veins. I open the flesh and watch it bleed....bleed......until it or I die.

I am not myself, I am a slave to a Master that I love. Everything He has I want. Everything He tells me I believe, like a sheep I follow. With yoke and blood I desire more of His burden on my neck. Drive it deep and make the metal perice my flesh, release the water from my empty heart and touch the metal to form Your blood. Make me into a image that is scoffed and ignored. May the cheat hold his belly in laughter as I appear weak and consumed with untruth. Let him throw stones or rejection and betrayal as I walk across his path day and night. Let the cheat make me feel lost, broken and uncool. Let his power throw me to the ground. Let his strength self destruct the self within me. When the smoke clears in the quiet moment of clarity, I will desire the Master. For I was bought by His plan. I am woven and spun in such a way that appears loose and tattered but gold and beauty are within the seams. This Chain that is part of my flesh is the best burden of all the burdens that exist within this world.

blah blah blah sippy cup

For a time, time seems to pass
for a dream that i hate to believe
for a space that is unseen
there is wisdom that is yet believed

For a surrender of will to design
for a scape of intellectual complies
i hope for a sign
more than a slap on the back of our hand

I hope for a stand
a stand that will not cause a fall
into obscure internal consummation
of flesh, thought, and internet pages.

I hope for a passion
for passion to be past down
for a wind in the breathe of existence
and a fire in the eyes of the children

So hard, work all the brain cells
so limited but still we think
limitations are only for the weak
returns, for the hunkered down

So today as words makes "sense"
and tomorrow when words resist
i hope in a page, that will make me clean
a knowledge that is unseen
yet...................................
beating....beating.....beating....
inside of me.

Let Go My Ego!

e·go /ˈigoʊ, ˈɛgoʊ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ee-goh, eg-oh] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun, plural e·gos.
1.
the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

And sometimes it just gets so darn out of hand!

Just thinking about the ego and how it drives us to think certain ways about ourselves.

It's A WONDERFUL LIFE!

So, here some random pictures of life---as wonderful as it may be.

"And the seasons, they go round and round,

And the painted ponies go up and down,

We're captive on the carousel of time.

We can't return, we can only lookBehind from where we came,

And go round and round and round in the circle game.

- - - Tom Rush, "The Circle Game"

A Trustworthy State

For if we died with Him, we shall also live with Him,

If we endure, we shall also reign with Him;

If we deny Him, He also will deny us;

If we are faithless, He remains faithful; for He cannot deny Himself.

So, to the frailty of the body I endure a great pause. A silence that is beyond anything but certainty. Certainty that all leave the earth hushing vibrations upon their paper thinned lips. The vibration of sound is the call of their existence. The faint and slow tone that sweeps over their last breathes produces the cry of heart. Oh, if only to have been called by God. To have lied down every night with the burden of knowing Him.
Minute after minute the young is spent dwelling on all the compilations of life. The space in between work and sleep is filled with what the heart longs for.
So, as the hand of death is deep and gripping I begin to settle my thoughts on the time of life. Oh death, cruel and tormented. You are satisfied only when you bring us to your bed. You hold us so very still until we are only a small whisper of a certain name. "Creator."
To the smart man, creator is learning. Still and thoughtful, in those last moments, reason is only a shadow of certainty that there is a concept of faith.
To the dark man, creator is beneath. Despairing as death holds his fantasies. In those last moments it is a dark blank of time that holds nothing but assumption.
To the consumed man, creator is his reality. As death makes him so still, he begins to feel the insanity of lost life and the reality of the after.
To the man of faith, creator is a small broken word. In the last moments it is a hum upon his lips. Jesus….Jesus…..Hurry…..Jesus…..Sweet..Jesus………Jesus.

To Aunt Sis, as she lay dying may her words continue to the very end. "Jesus..Jesus...Come...Jesus...Jesus" They will forever ring inside of me.

The Power of Darkness

In the constant balance of faith and losing faith, i find myself only being constant at failure.

"If someone says, "I love God," and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen., how can he love God whom he has not seen?
1 John 4:20

In the smoke and ash, i can finally see, if only for moment. It is funny how you have to only leave destruction and death in order to see the reality of your heart. All this time I felt like I have been fighting for God. Defending His Word with curses and screams. I hate the world yet I feel the evil residing right inside my heart. The hatred that I regard, in the name of Christ has left me as a wounded lion, alone and yearning for death. How is it that "I" have lost my way. I have always envisioned myself differently. "It is faith that is tested" I guess I never understood that until now. When I bound my God by my senses I loose His faith.
How is it that i am missing the whole point of the gospel in which i profess to serve. How is it that i have grown so cold to the knowledge that will save me. How is it that a hypocrite can be the only thing that is existing inside of me. Love is the only way i can make things better. Love is the death of my mind. How is it that I can resist all of myself in order to prove my commitment to God. How is it that in the journey of trials i can only see a glimmer of the Christ head in my body.

So, God
I have acted like liar for all of this test that is set to prove my faith. I am a liar of your Word in which i confess. I hate my brothers and I fill my flesh with all that it asks for. My concept of love is happiness that can only exist if my life is perfect.
So, God
if I confess that i have no substance beyond my flesh and blood, how is it that you prove Your glory on the likes of me. I am creation, I am a vessel that has no fear but one...that you will leave me selfish and faithless. Please help to bind up my faith, and tear out the diseased flesh that resides. In the still and quiet of my existence, i know that you are there waiting.........

What is in a NAME?

Well,

Today was a "good day." Caedmon wrote his name. I didn't even realize he could do it. It is quite amazing seeing how they soak up every bit that we give to them. C A E D M O N, Caedmon. I am so proud of him.

The Ramblings of Eve

So, the existence of my life is for the glory of Christ Jesus. Walking in this body and living in these times are suppressive and mundane. The joys of life are captured with small frames and the heartaches, well pretty consistently the heart aches. This ache tells me I am alive. this ache is the reality of my frailty. this frailty leaves me helpless. My existence is of worth only to You but my touch leaves impressions on the faces of my children. Going through childhood, brokenness, heartbreak and finally submission to the gospel is my story on this earth. Though you have showed me how imperfect the life is, and just how alone we really are, how our hearts separate us from all humanity and nature alike. I still love the face of Christ. I still exist with a knowledge that my life is meaningless without You. Even though my Samson doubts You, I know that you are my meaning. I cannot find my meaning in the locks of his hair. The followers are mocked on every level. I have mocked Your work within all. I have made downfall within my own gates. This persistence of silence and submission is a horrifying experience. When will the silence be meaningful. When will the submission of contradiction become a testimony of truth. Like many ironic things, I believe that I would do better if I lived alone, if I existed alone with my vision of You and Your words. I would tell Adam and the snake to LEAVE US ALONE! Go Away! Why is the heart so heavy Lord. Why is the heart so full of many many things. My attachments keep me burdened in this chair. My hope is that in the fullness of my time that my hands would bear the deep scares of keeping my hands to Your plow. That when I bleed and my heart breaks with confusion, I will confess damning on all that keeps me from the plow. Oh Christ that I should find mercy here on this small planet. Jesus, that I can exclaim your name without hint of shame.

Brand New Days

Hi everyone,
i don't know if anyone ever visits this anymore but here are some cool pics of the family and well, you know, myself.
peace in zion
jess